This is another bus piece. I scribbled this on the bus today pretty much as you find it below. The woman I mention is on southbound 830 bus that picks up at UVSC at 9:53 AM every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. She rides to the mall transit station to start driving her own route for UTA. I think I'll start riding the bus that comes 15 minutes later...
---
the mouths on the bus
tend to stay shut
in the universal language
of public transport
except for the woman
who’s cranky if she
doesn’t get at least seven hours
and prefers to have Thursdays
and Fridays off and knows that
new medicine saves more lives
than it kills even though when
someone goes is always up the
Man upstairs while she
cradles the American flag kitsch
with a shoulder strap on
her lap
carrying on her
conversation with the
driver from her seat
in the middle of the bus
how she hears his
responses over the
gasping moan of
the space heater
and engine
and air brakes
I’ll never know
but I could know
what she suffered
months years decades ago
that moves her mouth
in environs that keep
all others shut
and thus
discover discomfort
among my uncomfort
that is
if I’d stop moving my pen
and unshut my mouth
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Winter's final laugh (or: Notes from a February 13)
Back in December
an acquaintance snapped back
How will the cold in February
make me any warmer now
and I laughed
at the weakness
that spawned that retort
born in the soft warmth
of southern latitudinal
komfortismus
for I relished the snow
while it kept the air clean
and basked in the novelty
of unmelting drifts
that is
until the drifts waxed old
and the ice on the drive never shrank
and the days dared you
to just try
to spend them outside
which of course hurt worse
than
well
they just hurt
but when the air seemed to breathe
the promise of spring
my wife and I traipsed
above the mountain resort
in snow shoes and short sleeves
until our thighs and necks burned
for who thinks of sunscreen in February
Oh winter’s died its death
I decided
and took a hammer
and spent an hour’s half
sledging the ice on my
north facing drive
but I must suppose it displeased
the gods of snow
to see me in a t-shirt
for this morning greeted me
with clear skies
tepid temperatures
and deceit
the northern horizon at noon
hinting a deeper grey
until a third the way through
the post meridiem
the cold fell from its height
pushing the fragile warmth
back to Arizona
while the flakes silently slid
roaring in their multitude
toward the diagonal earth
and if I believe the printed prophecies
which I almost always do
here witness we
winter’s final laugh
an acquaintance snapped back
How will the cold in February
make me any warmer now
and I laughed
at the weakness
that spawned that retort
born in the soft warmth
of southern latitudinal
komfortismus
for I relished the snow
while it kept the air clean
and basked in the novelty
of unmelting drifts
that is
until the drifts waxed old
and the ice on the drive never shrank
and the days dared you
to just try
to spend them outside
which of course hurt worse
than
well
they just hurt
but when the air seemed to breathe
the promise of spring
my wife and I traipsed
above the mountain resort
in snow shoes and short sleeves
until our thighs and necks burned
for who thinks of sunscreen in February
Oh winter’s died its death
I decided
and took a hammer
and spent an hour’s half
sledging the ice on my
north facing drive
but I must suppose it displeased
the gods of snow
to see me in a t-shirt
for this morning greeted me
with clear skies
tepid temperatures
and deceit
the northern horizon at noon
hinting a deeper grey
until a third the way through
the post meridiem
the cold fell from its height
pushing the fragile warmth
back to Arizona
while the flakes silently slid
roaring in their multitude
toward the diagonal earth
and if I believe the printed prophecies
which I almost always do
here witness we
winter’s final laugh
Monday, February 11, 2008
CD Compilation Liner Notes
I’ve compiled a themed album. This is primarily intended for my older brother (who is the king of CD compilations). He'll be getting his copy of the CDR soon. But I’m posting the liner notes here because this is something that has been taking up my free time (as if I had any to spare). If any of my friends would like a copy of this, let me know and I'll burn off a disc for you.
Album Title: “One More Time”
One of my favorite albums when I was ten or so was an audiocassette of about a dozen variations of the song “Louie, Louie.” I think it belonged to my older brother (whose taste in music I have always deferred to… until I fell in love with Pearl Jam). The variations ranged from the Kingsmen to Black Flag to high school marching band. I don’t know exactly why, but such a gimmick album (variations on a shallow song) has always appealed to me. Years later, when I heard a friend play a rocking acoustic cover of “…Baby, One More Time” in a Liverpool music club, I remember thinking something like, “I’m witnessing the redemption of Britney Spears.” Several months ago, I began collecting the different variations listed below. I consciously did not include variations that were close to versions below or really close to the Britney Spears version (like the one on Barbie and Friends or the one by The Starlite Singers) or dance remixes (although a dance remix in Russian or Mandarin WOULD be included below if I could find one). I still reel at times when I think on the diversity of countries and music genres represented. Versions or languages I would still love to find (they just gotta be out there – I know it): muzak, string quartet, Mandarin, Japanese, gangsta rap, Russian, and more. One version I would have liked to have included is the early cover by Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa. But I didn’t want to buy the CD and iTunes didn’t have it. Oh well. A compilation like this is nothing more nor less than a study of the border and bridges between the ridiculous and the sublime. Enjoy.
Song: “…Baby, One More Time”
Music and lyrics by Martin Karl “Max Martin” Sandberg.
Performed by:
1. Britney Spears. I like to think of this version as the “original cover” version. In the pop music industry, performers rarely write their own songs. This song is no exception. This song has never had an “original” version in the sense that the original was performed by the person who wrote it. Conversely, until Max Martin performs this song, all versions of it will be covers in the sense that nobody who performs it wrote it.
2. Travis. That’s the name of the band – not an individual. Scottish folk/rock group. Pretty straight forward. They were among the first to cover this song. Marty Casey does a version that is, in a lot of ways, indistinguishable from this version. So, of course, Marty’s is more famous…
3. Fire 99. Small time techno industrial band from Olympia, WA. They also have a song named after the old arcade game Sinistar.
4. Midi version. That’s not the name of a band or group. I actually don’t know who put this midi together. I like to think of this playing in the background of Metroid or The Legend of Zelda.
5. Joy Bellis. My older brother calls this kind of music JGB – Jazz Gone Bad. I think he’s referring more specifically to the kind of solo the piano does 2/3 the way through. But it does have a certain post-WWII-disillusioned-pre-rock-and-roll sort of charm…
6. Hog Hoggidy Hog. Get this: South African Punk/Ska. You can get all their music for free on some artist-supported music sites. Gotta love the muted trumpet solo near the end. Another notable punk performance of this song is the one performed by Nicotine on “Punk goes Pop” – but the Bowling for Soup version (see below) takes care of the American sellout variety of punk while this one by Hog Hoggidy Hog delivers a more in-your-face flavor of punk.
7. Crapman Sacramento. That’s his stage name, I shiz you not. His youtube profile says his real name is David Dufresne and that he’s from Canada. Beyond that I can only suppose he’s some flavor of Quebecois. You’ve already noticed this variation is in French (Frappe moi bebe encore plus). I can’t decide which version I hate worse: Crapman’s or Britney’s. How to even categorize this guy’s music – “consciously-horrible-Frenchy techno-junk”?
8. Fountains of Wayne. Pretty straightforward rock n roll. These guys got me started on collecting versions of this song. I heard them interviewed on NPR a few years ago and they played this version of this song. It reminded me of the version my friend played in that music club in Liverpool.
9. The Pigs. One of my favorite finds. These guys are Australian musicians based out of New South Wales. They play a raucous mix of country, bluegrass, and rockabilly. I like to think of the lead singer as a hillbilly from the film Deliverance singing this to Britney after she gets lost on a river-rafting trip.
10. Ten Masked Men. Like the Black Ingvars, these guys are another gimmick group – they do almost completely covers of songs from other genres. Unlike Black Ingvars, these guys are British (out of London and southwest England) and they play death metal. This is my favorite death metal version of this song. That’s right, at least one other death metal band has covered this song – Kevorkian – but honestly TMM’s version sounds creepier.
11. Bowling for Soup. Yet another example of punk sold out. This is from Disney’s “Freaky Friday” soundtrack. Catchy and safely edgy, this version exemplifies Disney’s recent ironic self-consciousness (i.e. embrace edginess because society at large embraces it – this is the same rationale behind selling t-shirts and coffee mugs proudly exclaiming “I’m Grumpy”). Nicotine also has a punk version on the multi-artist album Punk goes Pop (which after the late 80s is an ad absurdum).
12. This particular track has a spotty history on the internet. For a while, many sites that hosted it presented it as a cover performed by the doom metal band Type O Negative (one of those slow, heavy, mega-goth groups with an almost seven foot tall bass singer with fang implants who sings almost exclusively about blood… you know, one of those). But Type O Negative has denied doing this. Rightly so. This is the Britney Spears version slowed from a 3:32 song to a 5:00 song. But thinking about a chorus of bass-singing, fang-implanted, goth giants while listening to this makes it deliciously disturbing.
13. Trombo Combo. Smooth jazz. Actually quite fun. If this song had been written in the early to mid-70s, I’d like to think this is what the “original cover” would have sounded like.
14. Brad Roberts. You know… of Crash Test Dummies fame. This is from a live album probably intended as some sort of come back. But the acoustic guitars are a bit too clangy for my liking, and really this guy singing any song other than “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” just doesn’t cut it.
15. Black Ingvars. Swedish techno metal group. Self-styled humorists, they make a living out of covering songs from divergent genres (pop to children’s songs to Christmas ditties to gospel tunes).
16. Wise Guys. Geeky German A Cappella. It’s actually a pretty good translation (Schlag mich Baby noch einmal). Fast forward when the audience starts applauding at the end – it goes on for thirty seconds. I mean, they’re good, but not THAT good… Toxic Audio also does an A Cappella version (in English with male and female singers).
17. Chad Michael Murray. This is dialogue from the movie “Freaky Friday.” I couldn’t think of a perfecter end to this study of cultural vapidity.
Album Title: “One More Time”
One of my favorite albums when I was ten or so was an audiocassette of about a dozen variations of the song “Louie, Louie.” I think it belonged to my older brother (whose taste in music I have always deferred to… until I fell in love with Pearl Jam). The variations ranged from the Kingsmen to Black Flag to high school marching band. I don’t know exactly why, but such a gimmick album (variations on a shallow song) has always appealed to me. Years later, when I heard a friend play a rocking acoustic cover of “…Baby, One More Time” in a Liverpool music club, I remember thinking something like, “I’m witnessing the redemption of Britney Spears.” Several months ago, I began collecting the different variations listed below. I consciously did not include variations that were close to versions below or really close to the Britney Spears version (like the one on Barbie and Friends or the one by The Starlite Singers) or dance remixes (although a dance remix in Russian or Mandarin WOULD be included below if I could find one). I still reel at times when I think on the diversity of countries and music genres represented. Versions or languages I would still love to find (they just gotta be out there – I know it): muzak, string quartet, Mandarin, Japanese, gangsta rap, Russian, and more. One version I would have liked to have included is the early cover by Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa. But I didn’t want to buy the CD and iTunes didn’t have it. Oh well. A compilation like this is nothing more nor less than a study of the border and bridges between the ridiculous and the sublime. Enjoy.
Song: “…Baby, One More Time”
Music and lyrics by Martin Karl “Max Martin” Sandberg.
Performed by:
1. Britney Spears. I like to think of this version as the “original cover” version. In the pop music industry, performers rarely write their own songs. This song is no exception. This song has never had an “original” version in the sense that the original was performed by the person who wrote it. Conversely, until Max Martin performs this song, all versions of it will be covers in the sense that nobody who performs it wrote it.
2. Travis. That’s the name of the band – not an individual. Scottish folk/rock group. Pretty straight forward. They were among the first to cover this song. Marty Casey does a version that is, in a lot of ways, indistinguishable from this version. So, of course, Marty’s is more famous…
3. Fire 99. Small time techno industrial band from Olympia, WA. They also have a song named after the old arcade game Sinistar.
4. Midi version. That’s not the name of a band or group. I actually don’t know who put this midi together. I like to think of this playing in the background of Metroid or The Legend of Zelda.
5. Joy Bellis. My older brother calls this kind of music JGB – Jazz Gone Bad. I think he’s referring more specifically to the kind of solo the piano does 2/3 the way through. But it does have a certain post-WWII-disillusioned-pre-rock-and-roll sort of charm…
6. Hog Hoggidy Hog. Get this: South African Punk/Ska. You can get all their music for free on some artist-supported music sites. Gotta love the muted trumpet solo near the end. Another notable punk performance of this song is the one performed by Nicotine on “Punk goes Pop” – but the Bowling for Soup version (see below) takes care of the American sellout variety of punk while this one by Hog Hoggidy Hog delivers a more in-your-face flavor of punk.
7. Crapman Sacramento. That’s his stage name, I shiz you not. His youtube profile says his real name is David Dufresne and that he’s from Canada. Beyond that I can only suppose he’s some flavor of Quebecois. You’ve already noticed this variation is in French (Frappe moi bebe encore plus). I can’t decide which version I hate worse: Crapman’s or Britney’s. How to even categorize this guy’s music – “consciously-horrible-Frenchy techno-junk”?
8. Fountains of Wayne. Pretty straightforward rock n roll. These guys got me started on collecting versions of this song. I heard them interviewed on NPR a few years ago and they played this version of this song. It reminded me of the version my friend played in that music club in Liverpool.
9. The Pigs. One of my favorite finds. These guys are Australian musicians based out of New South Wales. They play a raucous mix of country, bluegrass, and rockabilly. I like to think of the lead singer as a hillbilly from the film Deliverance singing this to Britney after she gets lost on a river-rafting trip.
10. Ten Masked Men. Like the Black Ingvars, these guys are another gimmick group – they do almost completely covers of songs from other genres. Unlike Black Ingvars, these guys are British (out of London and southwest England) and they play death metal. This is my favorite death metal version of this song. That’s right, at least one other death metal band has covered this song – Kevorkian – but honestly TMM’s version sounds creepier.
11. Bowling for Soup. Yet another example of punk sold out. This is from Disney’s “Freaky Friday” soundtrack. Catchy and safely edgy, this version exemplifies Disney’s recent ironic self-consciousness (i.e. embrace edginess because society at large embraces it – this is the same rationale behind selling t-shirts and coffee mugs proudly exclaiming “I’m Grumpy”). Nicotine also has a punk version on the multi-artist album Punk goes Pop (which after the late 80s is an ad absurdum).
12. This particular track has a spotty history on the internet. For a while, many sites that hosted it presented it as a cover performed by the doom metal band Type O Negative (one of those slow, heavy, mega-goth groups with an almost seven foot tall bass singer with fang implants who sings almost exclusively about blood… you know, one of those). But Type O Negative has denied doing this. Rightly so. This is the Britney Spears version slowed from a 3:32 song to a 5:00 song. But thinking about a chorus of bass-singing, fang-implanted, goth giants while listening to this makes it deliciously disturbing.
13. Trombo Combo. Smooth jazz. Actually quite fun. If this song had been written in the early to mid-70s, I’d like to think this is what the “original cover” would have sounded like.
14. Brad Roberts. You know… of Crash Test Dummies fame. This is from a live album probably intended as some sort of come back. But the acoustic guitars are a bit too clangy for my liking, and really this guy singing any song other than “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” just doesn’t cut it.
15. Black Ingvars. Swedish techno metal group. Self-styled humorists, they make a living out of covering songs from divergent genres (pop to children’s songs to Christmas ditties to gospel tunes).
16. Wise Guys. Geeky German A Cappella. It’s actually a pretty good translation (Schlag mich Baby noch einmal). Fast forward when the audience starts applauding at the end – it goes on for thirty seconds. I mean, they’re good, but not THAT good… Toxic Audio also does an A Cappella version (in English with male and female singers).
17. Chad Michael Murray. This is dialogue from the movie “Freaky Friday.” I couldn’t think of a perfecter end to this study of cultural vapidity.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
On Solemn Mockeries
In analyzing (and condemning) the practice of baptizing infants, Mormon gives us a clear example of a kind of sacrilege he calls “solemn mockery.” The practice of baptizing infants is a mockery in that it turns baptism into a farce. He gives plenty of reasons: “little children are whole,” “they are not capable of committing sin,” repentance and baptism are only for those who are “accountable and capable of committing sin,” infants “cannot repent,” and as such, infants are already “alive in Christ.” (Go read Moroni 8 to get the context for all of these quotes). Ergo infants need neither repentance nor baptism.
But Mormon’s qualifier of “solemn” deserves consideration as well. By calling the practice a “solemn” mockery, Mormon recognizes that the people who practice it typically do not believe they are mocking God. In fact, people who practice infant baptism typically practice it with the utmost of respect and solemnity for God and religious ceremony. I’m positive that well-meaning anxiety and concern for the heavenly welfare of everyone prompted both the institution of infant baptism in Catholicism and Catholicism’s recent reassessment of the status of unbaptized children (http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2007-04-20-popelimbo_N.htm).
Now, I can think of a few “wise purposes” the Lord may have had in mind when He prompted Moroni to include Mormon’s treatise against baptizing infants in the Nephite record. Certainly, the most obvious one is as a preemptive argument for the more than one billion Catholics in the world today who (heaven forbid they actually) learn about the restored Church and why they need to be baptized as a post-age-eight person by someone with restored priesthood authority. Think how especially useful this is as the Church spreads through Central and South America (among the primary audience Mormon and Moroni intended the Book for).
Perhaps not as obvious, but certainly possible, is this purpose: Moroni gives us an EXAMPLE in infant baptism of a KIND of solemn mockery. If we apply Moroni chapter 8 ONLY in terms of infant baptism, perhaps we are missing additional applications to ourselves. I submit, therefore, that there are other solemn mockeries with which we should probably be concerned.
Again, a solemn mockery is an assertion that fill these two criteria: (1) it is a farce of an essential Gospel principle perpetuated by (2) people who are convinced it is God’s will based (most likely) on other less vital principles. Such mockery is mockery by virtue of a reordering of spiritual priorities.
Consider again infant baptism.
Assertion: infants need baptism
Justification: nobody can enter heaven without baptism
Principle it violates or ignores: no SIN can enter heaven (baptism merely makes sinless those who have sinned)
Why: infants CANNOT sin ergo they do not need remission of sin even through baptism
Reconciliation: people who die as infants go straight to heaven, for they are sinless
Consider these other solemn mockeries presented in the same manner
Assertion: We should avoid the things that LOOK like they’re evil
Justification: Paul and Nephi teach us to (respectively) abstain from or shake at the appearance of evil.
Essential principle it violates or ignores: “the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Why: based on a misinterpretation of Paul and Nephi
Reconciliation: see earlier essay on this blog “On Avoiding (the Appearance of) Evil”
Assertion: we must set numbered baptism goals (i.e. our ward will baptize twelve people this year)
Justification: goal-setting exercises faith. If prayerfully set, the goal (which may seem unattainable) will be accomplished with the Lord’s help
Essential principle it violates or ignores: agency of others
Why: “A missionary cannot baptize five persons this month without the agency and action of five other persons. A missionary can plan and work and do all within his or her power, but the desired result will depend upon the additional agency and action of others.” Dallin H. Oaks
Reconciliation: “Consequently a missionary’s goals ought to be based upon the missionary’s personal agency and action, not upon the agency or action of others.” Dallin H. Oaks (both Oaks quotes are from “Timing,” BYU devotional address, January 29, 2002)
Assertion: vulgarity (i.e. a word like the F-bomb) is the same as taking (or using) the Lord’s name in vain
Justification: Vulgarity is “profane” and using the name of the Lord in vain is “swearing” – “profane” and “swearing” are the same, ergo vulgarity and breaking the Third Commandment are the same.
Essential principle this violates or ignores: Taking (or using) the name of the Lord in vain actually means using an appellate of Deity in an authoritative manner when in fact such authority is absent, as in D&C 63:60-62, “Behold, I am Alpha and Omega, even Jesus Christ. Wherefore, let all men beware how they take my name in their lips—For behold, verily I say, that many there be who are under this condemnation, who use the name of the Lord, and use it in vain, having not authority.”
Why: Confusing profane and swearing is a basic error of confusing synecdoche for synonym. To “swear” (in a negative sense) used to mean to use the name of Deity in a purposely inappropriate manner – which actually is literally using the name of the Lord in a vain manner. “Profane” used to mean that which is unholy, unhallowed, desecrated, pagan, etc. The F-bomb (a VERY old word) was originally profane in the sense that its usage implied a desecration of a sacred act (i.e. procreation). Using the name of the Lord in vain was also profane, for it desecrated the sacred act of invoking God’s authority. The umbrella concept (at least the way culture uses it) is “profane”. “Using the name of the Lord in vain” is profane, but not all that is profane is “using the name of the Lord in vain.” Eventually, sometime several centuries ago, people began interchanging “swearing” for “profanity” which, as I mentioned, are scripturally synecdochic – not synonymic.
Reconciliation: Language is essentially communicative. Some words in certain cultures communicate hurtful or demeaning messages. Don’t hurt or demean (which means, by and large, don't use the F-bomb - but notice this is different justification than saying people should not be vulgar because it's the same as using the Lord's name in vain). The flip side of this is that it might be possible to profane in a genuinely beneficial way – like profaning that which is already profane, i.e. making or identifying as unsacred that which is already unsacred. I’ll write another complete essay just on this idea later, but the basic idea is an exploration of the question, “what is more profane – the F-bomb or the cultural conceit which keeps the procreative act shrouded in vulgarity?”
Perhaps I’ll also post more solemn mockeries later. These could include:
- denying the beggar to encourage self-reliance, when in fact everbody is a beggar and everything belongs to God (see Mosiah 4 and Hugh Nibley’s “Work We Must but the Lunch is Free”)
- seeking personal wealth to help the Church (think what Jesus could have done with a big house)
- preparing as a Church congregation for a natural disaster with more fervency than preparing to meet the Son of God
We could come up with more, but the point of all of this is this: learning about one solemn mockery in the scriptures (e.g. infant baptism) should alert us to other practices or mindsets we may have that disorder principles and make farces out of essential Gospel principles.
But Mormon’s qualifier of “solemn” deserves consideration as well. By calling the practice a “solemn” mockery, Mormon recognizes that the people who practice it typically do not believe they are mocking God. In fact, people who practice infant baptism typically practice it with the utmost of respect and solemnity for God and religious ceremony. I’m positive that well-meaning anxiety and concern for the heavenly welfare of everyone prompted both the institution of infant baptism in Catholicism and Catholicism’s recent reassessment of the status of unbaptized children (http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2007-04-20-popelimbo_N.htm).
Now, I can think of a few “wise purposes” the Lord may have had in mind when He prompted Moroni to include Mormon’s treatise against baptizing infants in the Nephite record. Certainly, the most obvious one is as a preemptive argument for the more than one billion Catholics in the world today who (heaven forbid they actually) learn about the restored Church and why they need to be baptized as a post-age-eight person by someone with restored priesthood authority. Think how especially useful this is as the Church spreads through Central and South America (among the primary audience Mormon and Moroni intended the Book for).
Perhaps not as obvious, but certainly possible, is this purpose: Moroni gives us an EXAMPLE in infant baptism of a KIND of solemn mockery. If we apply Moroni chapter 8 ONLY in terms of infant baptism, perhaps we are missing additional applications to ourselves. I submit, therefore, that there are other solemn mockeries with which we should probably be concerned.
Again, a solemn mockery is an assertion that fill these two criteria: (1) it is a farce of an essential Gospel principle perpetuated by (2) people who are convinced it is God’s will based (most likely) on other less vital principles. Such mockery is mockery by virtue of a reordering of spiritual priorities.
Consider again infant baptism.
Assertion: infants need baptism
Justification: nobody can enter heaven without baptism
Principle it violates or ignores: no SIN can enter heaven (baptism merely makes sinless those who have sinned)
Why: infants CANNOT sin ergo they do not need remission of sin even through baptism
Reconciliation: people who die as infants go straight to heaven, for they are sinless
Consider these other solemn mockeries presented in the same manner
Assertion: We should avoid the things that LOOK like they’re evil
Justification: Paul and Nephi teach us to (respectively) abstain from or shake at the appearance of evil.
Essential principle it violates or ignores: “the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Why: based on a misinterpretation of Paul and Nephi
Reconciliation: see earlier essay on this blog “On Avoiding (the Appearance of) Evil”
Assertion: we must set numbered baptism goals (i.e. our ward will baptize twelve people this year)
Justification: goal-setting exercises faith. If prayerfully set, the goal (which may seem unattainable) will be accomplished with the Lord’s help
Essential principle it violates or ignores: agency of others
Why: “A missionary cannot baptize five persons this month without the agency and action of five other persons. A missionary can plan and work and do all within his or her power, but the desired result will depend upon the additional agency and action of others.” Dallin H. Oaks
Reconciliation: “Consequently a missionary’s goals ought to be based upon the missionary’s personal agency and action, not upon the agency or action of others.” Dallin H. Oaks (both Oaks quotes are from “Timing,” BYU devotional address, January 29, 2002)
Assertion: vulgarity (i.e. a word like the F-bomb) is the same as taking (or using) the Lord’s name in vain
Justification: Vulgarity is “profane” and using the name of the Lord in vain is “swearing” – “profane” and “swearing” are the same, ergo vulgarity and breaking the Third Commandment are the same.
Essential principle this violates or ignores: Taking (or using) the name of the Lord in vain actually means using an appellate of Deity in an authoritative manner when in fact such authority is absent, as in D&C 63:60-62, “Behold, I am Alpha and Omega, even Jesus Christ. Wherefore, let all men beware how they take my name in their lips—For behold, verily I say, that many there be who are under this condemnation, who use the name of the Lord, and use it in vain, having not authority.”
Why: Confusing profane and swearing is a basic error of confusing synecdoche for synonym. To “swear” (in a negative sense) used to mean to use the name of Deity in a purposely inappropriate manner – which actually is literally using the name of the Lord in a vain manner. “Profane” used to mean that which is unholy, unhallowed, desecrated, pagan, etc. The F-bomb (a VERY old word) was originally profane in the sense that its usage implied a desecration of a sacred act (i.e. procreation). Using the name of the Lord in vain was also profane, for it desecrated the sacred act of invoking God’s authority. The umbrella concept (at least the way culture uses it) is “profane”. “Using the name of the Lord in vain” is profane, but not all that is profane is “using the name of the Lord in vain.” Eventually, sometime several centuries ago, people began interchanging “swearing” for “profanity” which, as I mentioned, are scripturally synecdochic – not synonymic.
Reconciliation: Language is essentially communicative. Some words in certain cultures communicate hurtful or demeaning messages. Don’t hurt or demean (which means, by and large, don't use the F-bomb - but notice this is different justification than saying people should not be vulgar because it's the same as using the Lord's name in vain). The flip side of this is that it might be possible to profane in a genuinely beneficial way – like profaning that which is already profane, i.e. making or identifying as unsacred that which is already unsacred. I’ll write another complete essay just on this idea later, but the basic idea is an exploration of the question, “what is more profane – the F-bomb or the cultural conceit which keeps the procreative act shrouded in vulgarity?”
Perhaps I’ll also post more solemn mockeries later. These could include:
- denying the beggar to encourage self-reliance, when in fact everbody is a beggar and everything belongs to God (see Mosiah 4 and Hugh Nibley’s “Work We Must but the Lunch is Free”)
- seeking personal wealth to help the Church (think what Jesus could have done with a big house)
- preparing as a Church congregation for a natural disaster with more fervency than preparing to meet the Son of God
We could come up with more, but the point of all of this is this: learning about one solemn mockery in the scriptures (e.g. infant baptism) should alert us to other practices or mindsets we may have that disorder principles and make farces out of essential Gospel principles.
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